redintheledger: (that's where I'll be)
Natasha Romanoff ([personal profile] redintheledger) wrote2013-10-11 03:07 pm

OOM: 2011, San Diego

Saturday is a day that Natasha is determined to spend being lazy. She and Clint had gone to SeaWorld (and patched things up) the day before, and although she decided to try sleeping in a bed last night instead of on the couch, her insomnia didn't miraculously vanish.

She managed to have a lazy morning, at least. By her standards. But her personal revelation is an itch at the back of her mind, and it feels dishonest not to tell him. There are risks to saying anything, but then again, there always are. Despite her track record, she's rarely let that stop her.

About the time she hits half an hour spent scrolling through I Can Has Cheese Burger, she can acknowledge that she's procrastinating about it. Looking at LOLcats is an entertaining way to procrastinate, but procrastination it is.

It's not that Natasha can't think of ways to bring the subject up. Although she doesn't spend as much time seducing as people think, she can still think of half a dozen ways of saying 'I love you'. It's that...

This is Clint. And she's fairly certain that all she's doing is playing catch-up, which never gives anyone confidence for negotiating relationships.

She's also fairly certain that she's been glancing over at him a bit too often to play it cool, but these things happen.

"Hey, Clint?"
hasthehighground: leaned back casually, expression neutral (yeah I'm cool)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-10-13 04:00 am (UTC)(link)
Clint's been waiting for her to talk, stress slowly creeping into his back. It'd be one thing if Natasha got an e-mail that upset her, but the regular glances that he's pretending to ignore (she'd looked away quickly when he met her gaze early on) -- well. He might find out if he's messed something up sooner rather than later.

"Yeah?" he asks, closing his Sudoku book and setting it aside. His body language is all but screaming that he wants to be read as casual.
hasthehighground: looks innocent (I hear you)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-10-17 04:21 pm (UTC)(link)
... well, that's -- not what he was expecting.

It takes Clint a moment to get his metaphorical feet back under him, brow furrowing with confusion.

"Yeah, I know." He pauses, and considers this statement. He's been married, he's aware it's not sufficient. "I love you too. Why --" are we talking about this sounds a little harsh for what he means. "Did something happen?"

Slight smile, teasing: "You're not dying, right."
hasthehighground: double-checking your meaning (doubtful)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-10-24 08:22 am (UTC)(link)
"Okay," he says. He watches her for a long moment, then breathes a quiet laugh. "I'm not sure -- why you thought I wouldn't be okay with that."

She pretty much shot him down last time he tried to talk about it. Which was... four years ago, and change.

Time shouldn't move that fast.
hasthehighground: look of disbelief (surprise)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-10-24 08:47 pm (UTC)(link)
"No," Clint says, slow. "That's not... you didn't know I loved you?"
hasthehighground: (just existing)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-10-25 07:34 am (UTC)(link)

When Clint breathes out, it's almost dismissive. The corner of his mouth quirks up, but the amusement isn't real. "Does it really matter?"
hasthehighground: leaned back casually, expression neutral (yeah I'm cool)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-10-25 08:45 am (UTC)(link)
His smile disappears. "DC," he says, quiet. "2006. When we took Jasper out, after his promotion."

They'd played miniature golf in black tie. Clint had realized half-way through the first game that he was in love with his best friend and he'd been embarrassingly happy for the rest of the night, looking for a chance to let her know.

"I knew you didn't -- I said it wrong," he says, "then."

Clint sighs. "I thought you knew after you came back from Romania. I told you --," he breaks off, and smiles slightly. "It was years ago, Tasha."
hasthehighground: giving you his attention (listening frown)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-10-25 10:45 am (UTC)(link)
"Hey," he says, almost on the heels of her apology. "It's okay, it's not--"

He's clearing a spot for her next to him on the couch, moving his Sudoku book and laptop.

"It's okay."
hasthehighground: giving you his attention (listening frown)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-10-26 12:27 am (UTC)(link)
"Yeah," he says, tone a little tentative.

Nat's quick vocal shifts often throw him for a bit, but... he's good with light. He likes light. It's better than her apologizing for his mistakes.

He opens up his left arm across the back, so he'll be able to settle it around her shoulders when she sits.
hasthehighground: leaned back casually, expression neutral (yeah I'm cool)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-10-27 08:49 am (UTC)(link)
"Hey, yourself." his smile quirks before he presses a kiss to her hairline.

He draws back, just slightly, so he can see her face.
hasthehighground: Natasha and Clint being quiet and happy at each other ([natasha] relaxed)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-10-28 06:16 am (UTC)(link)
"Hmm." Clint wraps a piece of her hair lightly around his finger, skin at the corner of his eyes crinkling. "Sounds a little risky."

Except he does kiss her again, nose brushing against her cheekbone a bit awkwardly given the angle. No one said sitting side-by-side was easiest for kissing someone on the lips.
hasthehighground: looking out of the corner of his eye (peripheral)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-11-02 08:22 am (UTC)(link)
Clint moves his hand down from her shoulder to settle lightly against her waist. "Yeah?"
hasthehighground: not sure what you think you're doing ([natasha] what)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-11-02 08:34 am (UTC)(link)
"Uh," Clint says, eloquently.

"I'm not... not up for it?"
hasthehighground: giving you his attention (listening frown)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-11-02 09:49 pm (UTC)(link)
"I mean," Clint says, a half-beat after she starts talking, guessing the issue. He falls quiet.

"I want to see you more," he says. Then he laughs, quietly. "I want to see you most of the time. It's just... we'd have to talk about a lot of stuff."
Edited 2013-11-02 21:49 (UTC)
hasthehighground: Natasha and Clint being quiet and happy at each other ([natasha] relaxed)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-11-05 07:09 am (UTC)(link)
Clint wraps his arms around her more firmly for a moment, before letting go. "Yeah."
hasthehighground: double-checking your meaning (doubtful)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-11-07 08:41 am (UTC)(link)
Clint smiles at her, then glances away to think.

"I'm not...," his mouth moves just perceptibly as he look for the right word, "... very good at relationships."
hasthehighground: glancing down in thought (serious thoughts)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-11-07 09:41 am (UTC)(link)
"Uh." Clint breathes a laugh, genuinely amused.

"This is the longest relationship I've ever had? And we weren't having it. I don't do living with people well," he says, all in one breath. "I'm -- I haven't tried, in fifteen years. But I'm ... disappointing."
hasthehighground: ([natasha] an imperfect whole)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-11-11 06:34 am (UTC)(link)

She's right. Not about him not being disappointing -- he is. But saying it is stupid; no one wants to hear about that.

He smiles at her, slight. "I'm... going to need to think about it? It's not really personal space.

"Uh. Well, you know I have sex with other people. Do you need to know detail, or have me -- change things?"
Edited 2013-11-12 09:09 (UTC)
hasthehighground: giving you his attention (listening frown)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-11-17 07:08 am (UTC)(link)
He takes a deliberate breath, and calms down almost immediately.

"Look," he says, hesitating. He's not really done this before, but he's seen a lot of the fall-out of people doing it wrong. "I'm not going to be upset if something makes you jealous. It-- doesn't have to be logical. And," he says, "as long as you're not dating anyone else I'm fine, but that doesn't mean you just... have to be."
hasthehighground: facing away from the camera thinking (the sacred geometry of chance)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-11-17 08:23 am (UTC)(link)
"It's okay. Uh, what I was saying before..."

He's not looking at her, not really. He's focusing on her right hand, resting on the couch.

When he starts talking, he's calm. Not emotionless, but measured. "I have sex with a lot of people," is where he starts out, mouth twisting slightly. "Not that many, anymore, but probably three in a typical month. How often -- varies. Sometimes with strangers, more often people I know only in that ... context, and sometimes with friends. Um. Not work friends."

"Strangers are mostly women. Others, mostly men. If it bothers you, I could avoid having sex with friends. And... I might be able to cut women out?"
hasthehighground: Natasha emotionally grounds Clint ([natasha] sometimes the world falls)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-11-17 08:46 am (UTC)(link)
"Okay." He feels kind of stupid, now, worrying that she'd... well. Worrying.

He glances back up to her face. "I can do that."
hasthehighground: look of disbelief (surprise)

[personal profile] hasthehighground 2013-11-17 09:40 am (UTC)(link)
Clint blinks at her. He hasn't thought about that.

"I'll think about it."

All that's coming to mind right now is shit like sorry, I had a weird adolescence, and like hell is he going to start a conversation like that with anyone. Especially Nat, who was fighting World War II in her adolescence.

Instead he offers a hand to help pull her into his lap again, if she wants. He could do with hugging her.